I'm tired. I'm so tired that I can't even function. I'm getting snappy and frustrated faster. Lucy is bugging the living you-know-what out of me with her neediness. She wants to be held all day, and if for a minute I put her down, I have to be in eye-shot or she cries. She wakes up at least twice a night for NO REASON, and the takes crappy naps during the day.
I am SO tired. And for some reason, even if she does have a magical sleep through night, I still wake up. Or my milk-makers get too full over night and they hurt....that's retarded too, because it's not like they're new at this... REGULATE, DANG IT!
Then, maybe I JUST fall back asleep from the night wakings, and my husband's alarm starts going off...over and over and over and over and over again. It's infuriating. And the more times the alarm goes off, the more awake I am. Then he takes a shower, which is LOUD! I never realized how LOUD the shower is when someone's desperately clinging to the last shreds of sleep that might be available for the next 16-20 hours. Then he gets dressed and all that, and hugs and kisses me, which is nice. But then sometimes, I'll fall back asleep again, finally, and he'll come in and talk/hug me again, which while nice, is sleep-robbing. Then he leaves. Ahhhhhh.....maybe I can slee- crap, Lucy's awake. But there's still 45 min til I HAVE TO get up to get Gwen ready. Go put the pacifier in her mouth. No dice. She grins at me and starts yelling at me to get her up. Effing Day has begun.
Eat, cry, sleep (maybe), eat, cry, eat, cry, play, eat, cry, cry cry..... etc.
put baby to bed, stay up too late watching crappy tv, go to sleep, repeat.
Anyway, I feel like crap. My face is breaking out, I have circles under my eyes, I'm hungry and feel disgusting, because I just grab the sleeve of cookies instead of making something because I'm so tired. I am just so so tired. I actually cried a little this morning....that's when you know your world is pretty messed up...when you cry because you have to start your day.
THAT, my friend is why my blog is never updated. I live a tired, boring life and I can't even think of anything worth blogging about.
See you in a month or so.
It Was Time
6 years ago
2 comments:
It's worth blogging about if it's about you. Hopefully writing this all down was a means of venting a bit. Motherhood is hard and obviously overwhelming at times. But it's not too big for God and therefore not too big for you. The sacrifices you are making everyday will have many effects and each and every one is worthy of endurance. Plus Lucy is pretty much the cutest baby in the world so you've got that going for you. =) Continue to persevere and, most importantly, press into prayer for some relief of the sacrifice. Things will not always be this hard, it's not part of God's plan.
Thank you, friend. You are so encouraging! :)
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